Ashamed

So many people seem to be ashamed of themselves. There are things to be ashamed of, but people are ashamed of the wrong things.

I’m not good at reading, math, public speaking, being in front of a crowd, talking to someone I am attracted to.

I don’t know how to do my makeup, or I have pimples.

I have anxiety, depression, past trauma.

I can’t get a job, or a good one.

I have debt that I wish I didn’t have.

I’m physically ill, or have a disability...

I can’t even begin to list all the reasons people are ashamed of themselves, but I can tell you every one of the reasons I just gave are not reasons to be ashamed.

Almost all of those fall into the category of: I made a mistake. I failed. Some of them are: other people made a mistake. Some of them fall into the category of: nothing is wrong here at all. People come with different genetics for a reason. We need many types to make the world go round.

Anyone who heckles you for your failure is lying to you and to themselves. Most of them haven’t even tried to do anything, and in their weakness they heckle. They point out your failures because it is easier than pointing out their own.

You’re a bad person? Eh. Who isn’t? We slack, we get tired, we don’t go as hard as we should. Everyone does.

Don’t be ashamed of it. Do a little better today than you did yesterday. Then you can be proud, publicly and to yourself, about being better. But you can’t show the world you improved if you aren’t willing to admit to who you were. Movement requires a point of origin. The internet and social media are outlets to tell the world who we pretend to be, not the journey it took to get there, or all the things which are still wrong with us.

I am a terrible person. I used to be far worse. The only soul on this earth who knows all the things wrong with me married me. Let me be super clear: she understood them before she married me. And I didn’t always improve. I’m better now, and together we can say, we are proud of improvement but only because we can be honest about who I was, while I still struggle daily with being honest about who I am.

Don’t be ashamed. Be honest. Come clean and move forward. Improve. Be proud. Repeat.