If you have never heard of the serenity prayer, I have a copy here: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I am here to talk about my version of coming to understand it this week. Or perhaps, if not understand it, at least... wonder how much the lesson applies to my recent problems. Wisdom is hard. As the great thinkers of the world have pointed out, you don't get

Everything has a price tag. If you want to be patient, you will never learn it by being given everything you want exactly when you want it. The price tag is frustration and delay. If you want to deadlift 600 pounds, you will never do it by sitting on the couch. The price tag is deadlifting multiple times a week, and being very uncomfortable. If you want to learn to read, you will never do it if you only listen to audiobooks and can't recognize words. The price tag is sp

When people tell you to age well, they usually mean to exercise or stay fit, or be mobile and mentally spry. I have no intention of talking about any of that. This is likely the last piece specifically about my father and his passing, or my family in general, but I wanted to talk about aging well. I talked briefly about the idea of shrinking, when a kitty I loved very much passed away. I was able to watch as her world rapidly went from being my house, to one floor, to one roo

Proud What does it mean to be proud of someone? Proud: (Miriam Webster) Marked by stateliness, displayed self-esteem, vigorous and spirited... Well. None of those quite work. Proud: (Cambridge Dictionary) feeling pleasure and satisfaction because you or people connected with you have done or gotten something good That’s better. It’s still off. I am proud of my father. In this small series where I will talk about him, I want to give advice, or give... lessons I learned from

I do not believe that the internet is a place to air your innermost thoughts as a kind of personal cathartic laundry for the world to see and smell. I think people who do videos sitting alone in their car who want to tell the world how they feel about something have it all wrong. That is telling the world something hoping they will echo it back to you and validate your belief. Recently I heard it said in a lecture that you should ask yourself why you say anything that you say

For two and change weeks, I didn’t write anything, and I didn’t edit anything. I wasn’t on vacation, I wasn’t too busy. I just stopped, because I was too shocked and too depressed to keep doing it. I want to talk about what happened and a very important realization I came to about why, and how I moved past it. (Somewhat) How hopelessness feels... I have submitted hundreds of short stories to magazines and done hundreds of submissions to agents for books. I have pitched in per

People don’t tend to fail because they can’t read; they fail because they pick the wrong steps. Sometimes someone will set out to become a “reader,” whatever that means in their head, and they will pick something way too complex or hard, and they burn out and lose interest. Other people pick things that are too short, or just not interesting to them. Maybe it is too easy and they get bored and quit. These give the first few ways you move through your reading journey to find

Except it’s a pretty stupid question. I was recently privileged to attend a lecture by the world-renowned science fiction author Elizabeth Bear . I more or less transcribed the entire meeting, which was a talk about how to write, and specifically how to write introductions. When a person this well regarded speaks, you tend to listen. One thing she said was, something like, “There is no more harmful assumption than being a garden writer vs. an architectural writer.” Some thing

Two second recap... People are saying they are struggling to read the books they want to read. The source of this stems from a lack of reading experience with hard books, but it also stems from the general loss of attention span in the modern world. . We are laying down habits for how to develop these reading skills, and give yourself the superpower of attention, data gathering, and the ability to explain things to others. Lets build the habit... To really get going how

You have decided you want to play the piano. Step one, learn to read sheet music and identify notes that correspond to the keys. You have decided to become a carpenter. Step one, identify how to use a hammer, sandpaper, chisels. You have decided to become a gymnast. Step one, gain the ability to do one pushup. You have decided to ... etc... We all know the adage, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” This is no different. I want to be an author, tell stories

I have published a bit on this blog about how to read, why to read, and the effects of reading, such as bibliotherapy , but I have recently been struck by the question of how to read. I have met, in the last few months, several people who say to me, “I want to read more, but ...” and the “but” which comes is a variant of admitting, “I don’t really know how to get into the big or hard stuff.” Not, “I don’t know how to read,” that is different. We are not talking about illitera

There are great moments, when you are a heavy reader, of discovering new authors. This last week, I discovered Paolo Bacigalupi. He has written books before the one I found, such as The Windup Girl, The Water Knife, and The Tangled Lands. He also has a young adult series called the Ship Breaker trilogy. As a rule, as an adult, I don’t read young adult books; they tend to disappoint greatly. In his case, I might make an exception. Because the book of his I discovered, Navola

People say they want to be successful, but they behave like the person next to them. They try to make sure they are watching some of the same shows and make sure they are aware of the same memes, and the same viral clips. Let me be very clear: Success and commonplace do not walk hand in hand. Success and average have no common path to tread. Success and what everyone else does are not neighbors. Because the average person is not successful. I am American, so let’s talk about

Having fun doesn’t have to cost money, but it generally does. Let’s talk about some common activities that people do outside their home. Movies (In the theater): $13–$16 per ticket (about 2 hours) → $6.50–$8/hour Dinner Date (mid-range restaurant): $50–$100 per person for ~1.5–2 hours → $25–$65/hour Trampoline Park (indoor): $18–$28 for 1 hour pass → $18–$28/hour Axe Throwing: $25–$40 per person per hour → $25–$40/hour Bowling (lane cost): $20–$60 per lane per hour → if 4 p

It is legion the number of things you will not be. The greatest football player in the world is not a concert hall pianist. The greatest physicist in the world is not a painter with their pieces hanging in the Louvre. The greatest violinist is not also working as a director of chemical engineering in a pharmaceutical company. That is not to say they cannot be these things; perhaps they could have been. That is what makes us amazing as human beings. You can be a star athle

My wife and I were recently in Boulder, Colorado. If there were a poster child for trying to do the right thing by way of the environment, this might be the place. Let’s ignore all politics for a moment and whether you agree or disagree about that, and talk about the act of “being good.” We helped clean out a garage that hadn’t been cleaned out in decades. We had to dispose of scrap metal, scrap wood, Styrofoam, old paint, long-expired rat poisons and plant sprays, road fla

“Hey Bob, how’s it going?” “Tim, how goes? It’s okay, just back from Memphis.” “Good ribs, right?” “You know it.” “Watching the game tonight?” “If my boss lets us leave when he’s supposed to, yeah...” Make your conversation fit the person and the place. Blah blah blah . Do I need to be here for this? Not really, and you don’t either. And neither were Bob and Tim. That conversation could be had on autopilot, and probably was. You know its content from the beginning, and you k

But thinking makes it so. The Buddha (via Dhammapada, Buddhism): “Mind precedes thoughts, mind is their chief, their quality is made by mind; if with a base mind one speaks or acts … then suffering follows … If with a pure mind one speaks or acts … then happiness follows.” AKA, our experience of good or bad arises from the mind. AKA, “thinking makes it so.” Qur'an / Muhammad (Islam): The hadith: “Strange indeed are the affairs of the believers: for all their affairs are good.

If you are a writer, you very likely have a scene or two in your head that your mind tells you is just perfect. Maybe it is heart-wrenching, maybe it is too cool to not have in your action-adventure, spy thriller, or fantasy novel. Maybe it is a plot twist too perfect to leave out and you know every reader will never see it coming, and will be forced to reread your book to go back and see how they didn’t know. Sometimes authors say entire books come out of one scene for them

It has been said many times, many ways: kill your darlings. These last few months I have been working on a book which had been at first draft. I had written it, let it sit on a shelf for a few weeks, gave it a once over for basic plot points character arcs, and thought, “yeah that isn’t bad.” I knew it needed polish, but I have recently taken to having beta readers and editors have at my first drafts, because I don’t want to polish a pig, I want to polish the swan. (or whatev