Heisenberg Uncertainty Miracle

Trust me, stay for the result of this...

In the last thirty minutes the following things have happened and the following thoughts have occurred.

I received 3 more rejection letters for books and short stories. I get about three in any given week, but it’s particularly rough when they all land on the same day. I also went into my kitchen and made a cup of tea in a French press. The tea was a baked rice tea from Japan. I then grabbed a pint of blackberries from the refrigerator. I have no idea where they are from, but I can tell you with certainty it isn’t local.

My mind was thinking, more or less concurrently, “what the hell do they want me to write? I’m not a bad author, what kind of bloody miracle does it take to break into writing?” And, “This is insane—that I am drinking tea from across the world, heated by electricity from a power line I don’t maintain, to an electric kettle, and poured into a rolled aluminum press into a glass mug I didn’t craft. All of it for cheap, because that’s how the economy works as people fight for my money.”

I was truly, in that moment, pissed off and infinitely thankful at the same time. I have written a lot on this blog and on this website about the push and drive to move forward, and I have written more than once about the miracle of modernity. They are both true. It is hard to remember them both all the time, because we tend to be negatively anchor-biased, but also because it is hard to think, “I’m so thankful for...” while also demanding the universe give us more, or that we can find that road to more.

My mind is always clambering for more ways to find a road to success for my writing. I write a lot. I read a lot. I read about writing. I edit. I edit other people’s works. It’s all about the writing. I almost feel guilty struggling to find a way forward to more when the miracle of modernity has already been granted.

But the world was built by people who demanded more miracles. Maybe that is heaven. When everything is amazing but we want it better anyway. It is a hard road to walk, to balance that thankfulness with the drive, but I think we need both to be full people.

I am a Heisenberg uncertainty function of thankfulness and desire. Sometimes my wave function collapses one way, sometimes the other.

Make sure yours does too.