Nothing either good or bad...

But thinking makes it so.

The Buddha (via Dhammapada, Buddhism):

“Mind precedes thoughts, mind is their chief, their quality is made by mind; if with a base mind one speaks or acts … then suffering follows … If with a pure mind one speaks or acts … then happiness follows.”

AKA, our experience of good or bad arises from the mind. AKA, “thinking makes it so.”

Qur'an / Muhammad (Islam):

The hadith: “Strange indeed are the affairs of the believers: for all their affairs are good. If something good happens to them, they are thankful and that is good; and if something bad happens to them, they are patient and that is good.”

Acceptance over complaining seeing goodness or growth even in hardships.

Philippians 2:14‑15 (Christianity / New Testament):

“Do all things without complaining and disputing so that you may become blameless and pure”

This pretty straightforward warns against a complaining spirit.

My wife:

“Whatever decision we make we will make it the right one.”

I’m a very lucky man to be married to someone who approaches our marriage and our life that way. Why? Because if it is the wrong decision and you complain, now it’s wrong and you make yourself miserable and everyone around you miserable by complaining about it. That just makes everything worse.

Every religion in the world has some version of this baked into its philosophy and behavior. That is not a coincidence. It took humanity thousands of years to understand the ways in which we behave and what works and doesn’t work for a person, and even longer to write down the wisdom they found.

I originally was going to post this on Thanksgiving but it felt all at once too on the nose and slightly off target. This is not to say be thankful, although that too. This is something else.

You switch jobs, or get a job you don’t love, and you have a choice in front of you. You can look at the job and be miserable, complain to your friends and family, maybe to your coworkers, and reduce your ability to learn from the job, reduce your happiness while at the job, and increase your probability of being fired. None of these are good things. Or… you can look at the job and say to yourself that this is a job you have for now. It is not everything you want, but you can look for the pieces of it you want to be better, and lean into those you can fix. You can find something in the job that furthers your learning and better enables you to get the next job. It is a rare place that has zero positives on offer.

Is the pay bad? I don’t mean is it what you want, but is it average for the market? Then that’s okay. Is your boss all bad, or are they under stress too? Is your coworker pool completely boring, never funny and never fun? Unlikely. Is there nothing that you don’t understand but could spend time learning to understand? Probably. That is the spirit to approach this with.

Can you do it all the time? Of course not. Nobody is perfect. But if the overall approach is this, you will be better off.

In marriage and relationships too, people are imperfect. If you wait for the person you are with to become perfect, you will be waiting forever. If you try to change core aspects of them, you will never succeed. Going through life with a partner is about going through life learning that you are both flawed, and that is okay. It’s not them, it’s not you, it’s just the way people are. Make this decision the right decision.

Going to the museum is boring for you? Okay, go anyway and find the one painting or display that blows your mind. Walk in with the understanding you don’t love most of today, but you will love one thing. Now find it. It beats moping around not trying to find anything fun and ruining the other person’s time too, right? Your partner wants to go play some games with friends? You know where they are going, you would rather they were spending the day with you doing something else, but it’s only once a week, and everyone needs an outlet. It’s okay. Find the way to make those 3 hours alone constructive. Read the book you never remember to get to. Whatever it is for you.

Chris, my friend, died recently. He didn’t complain as his world shrank. He was pleasant to be around and made nobody unhappy to the literal day he died. He could have complained about his new cane, about losing the ability to walk, about losing his hair, about losing his cognitive load (He was a genius with a lot to lose before people noticed), about losing his time and life that once stretched out before him now cut short. He didn’t, and so his quality of existence was enhanced relative to what it could have been right to the end.

Every major religion on earth is not wrong. Shakespeare was just poetic about it. There is nothing good nor bad, but thinking makes it so. Troubles come to us all. How will you adjust your attitude to handle them?