Knowing The Difference

If you have never heard of the serenity prayer, I have a copy here:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I am here to talk about my version of coming to understand it this week. Or perhaps, if not understand it, at least... wonder how much the lesson applies to my recent problems.

Wisdom is hard. As the great thinkers of the world have pointed out, you don't get to steal it — it seems to be something that needs to be earned. Usually, it hurts. The wisdom to know the difference. I don't think I had it.

"I want to be a writer" meant the sentence "I want to write things that are read by a relevant number of people."

I have been frustrated by the writing industry. I believe it is broken, and getting worse. Sources are legion and beyond the point of this piece, but I do not believe it is a meritocracy, and I do not believe that the best writers are finding their way to the top, or to the eyes of readers. To be clear, I do not think I am one of "the best writers," but I think I am sitting in the B-tier of runners-up for making it into the world of professionals. As I read things that are published and find, time and time again, that I don't like them, I was left with... anger.

Perhaps the problem is that I was looking at the wrong thing. "Read by a relevant number of people" is more out of my control than not.

I can write a book that is the best book I am able to write. I can write a story that is objectively not bad. (I don't know if I believe in objectively good.) I can write a book I would want to read. I can tell you a tale that I think has morals and themes that resonate. I can't make someone else like it. I can't make someone sell it. I can't make you like it.

It applies everywhere.

Nothing I do will bring a wife to my doorstep who is my perfect match. (I have a perfect wife already, this is illustrative!) But I can be the kind of man who will attract the woman I want to marry, and I can treat the people I date in the manner that will create a relationship I want to be part of.

There is no action I can take that will ensure I live to 90. I can elect to exercise daily in a manner commensurate with science as I understand it, to extend my life. I can eat in accordance with this goal, and I can still have bad genes, a car accident, or a million other things.

The best business idea in the world doesn't guarantee a successful business. A real product solving the world's real problems, priced right and marketed right, can be bought out by a competitor, never find traction, or lose to someone who did it better. All we can do is come up with good ideas and present them to the world as best we can.

Having every skill for a job, presented on the best possible resume, with the best version of your skills in just the way the hiring manager wants to see, guarantees nothing. Another person might have one more thing than you and get the job. An AI might filter you down the list because someone else used the right collection of words, and you are never even seen. All you can do is expand your skill set and present yourself as best you can at every opportunity.

I still want to be read by people. I still want to see myself on a bookshelf one day in a bookstore. But I have no control over it. In the meantime, I can write the best book I am able to write, and make it a book I would want to read.

Control the things you can. Don't let the things you can't control snuff out the flame of hope for something more. It's not guaranteed, but the trip might be worth it anyway.